It's All Because of You That I'm Through
by moodysuburbanteenagelovesong
Summary: In the wake of their break-up, Kurt had thought he and Blaine had this whole "friends" thing figured out. But that was before he'd started dating and Blaine stopped answering his calls...


**A/N: I guess this would be the sequel to _I Wish That You Needed Me_. From Kurt's perspective this time because I felt like it, though it wasn't nearly as enjoyable for me to make him suffer. I'll probably write some more of this at some point during this hiatus. It's the only way I have of channeling my rage and heartbreak into something constructive.**

**Also Rachel came up to me and demanded I include her in my story, so sorry to those of you who don't care for her.**

* * *

Kurt's feeling of slight irritation was blending swiftly into anger as his phone call sent him once again to Blaine's voicemail.

"Hello. You have reached Blaine Anderson's voicemail. I'm currently otherwise engaged and cannot respond to your phone call at this time. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you."

"Hello Blaine Anderson, this is Kurt Hummel," Kurt began, mocking Blaine's formal tones. "I was calling to inquire if you'd fallen off a cliff? Or perhaps joined some type of cult that forbids you from taking phone calls? Both choices seem unlikely explanations of you're continued absence, but after more than a week of not hearing from you, I've come to the conclusion that-ick, no," Kurt muttered, as he deleted the message and chose to start over.

"Hi Blaine, it's me...again. Just wondering where you've disappeared too lately. I guess you're busy...but you know I am too and I thought we were going to make an effort. I mean we don't have to talk everyday but it would be nice to know if you're alive out there-,"

"Urgh," Kurt grumbled, hastily deleting the new message and ending the call. He sounded needy and pathetic, which was exactly what he didn't want, but they hadn't spoken in almost two weeks and, as much as he didn't want to, he missed Blaine. He threw himself over his bed with a deep sigh, shielding his eyes from the glare of his bedside lamp.

"If you want my advice-," came a voice from the other side of the large room.

"Oh, but I don't want your advice Rachel," Kurt responded quickly.

He heard her footsteps as she crossed their space and the rattling as she yanked his curtains open. He sat up and threw her his bitchiest glare as she sank unto the bed beside him.

"What did I tell you about coming in here without permission? I might have been undressed," Kurt snapped.

Rachel rolled her eyes, she'd learned a long time ago that Kurt's bark was worse than his bite. "Calling your ex-boyfriend in your underwear? Kinky," she said with a girlish giggle.

It was Kurt's turn to roll his eyes, but he pressed his lips together to stop a smile and felt his brief anger fade as he lay back once more. "Daniel wants to me to cook me dinner at his place on Thursday," Kurt stated, changing the subject before Rachel could start in on him for calling Blaine.

"Ooh, that sounds lovely. Hopefully he's better at it that I am."

"I'm sure he is, though it wouldn't be hard to be better than you. The more I get to know him the more I'm convinced he's good at everything. The man is like Edward Cullen," Kurt said with a sigh, still unsure whether he meant this as a good or bad thing.

The truth was he liked Daniel. A lot. He was charming, funny, and a true gentleman in a way that not too many people were anymore. He seemed to be genuinely interested in everything Kurt had to say, he held doors open, and he always insisted on covering the bill (which was not only nice, but necessary, as Kurt was stuck in a state of near to complete pauperdom at all times). And that was all without mentioning the obvious, the man was so damn attractive it hurt. They'd been on 3 dates in the two weeks since they met and Kurt had enjoyed himself on each, but he found that annoying feelings of inferiority seemed to plague him whenever they were together.

"Mmh, I can't wait to meet him," Rachel said excitedly, interrupting his thoughts. "That is, if you'd stop calling your ex-boyfriend enough to actually develop your current relationship."

"I thought I said I didn't want your advice?" Kurt replied, frustrated at her unwillingness to be deterred. He pulled a pillow out from under his head and flung it at her.

"_I _am only looking out for your best interests Kurt Hummel," she squeaked, having ducked too slowly and getting hit right over the head. She tried to yank Kurt's new pillow from his hands before he could throw it, but was overpowered and he cackled as he hit her squarely over the head.

"This is domestic violence you know! And it's not a joke," Rachel huffed, standing quickly to get out of his range as he reached for another pillow. "And I'm just going to tell you this once and then I won't ever mention it again."

"Not likely," Kurt scoffed, tucking his pillow beneath his head once more.

Rachel gave no sign she'd heard him and launched right into her spiel, "You've got an amazing new guy fawning over you and you'd be an idiot to throw it all away to wallow in the past."

"Are you talking about me and Blaine or you and Finn?" Kurt said viciously cutting her off, his anger rising out of nowhere once more. "Because sometimes I don't think you know the difference."

"I'm talking about you! I've let go of Finn because it's the mature, grown-up thing to do. Meanwhile, you've been moping around the place all week and taking your frustration out on me just because Blaine hasn't called you."

"I have not been-"

"You have! You have been! Don't think I don't know you well enough to know when you're upset," Rachel yelled, raising her voice over his. "Look, I know this new guy isn't Blaine, and you probably spend every single second you're with him thinking about all the things Blaine would do differently and wondering why the hell everything is so screwed up, but you are where you are and you have to make the best of it."

"And we're still taking about me right?" Kurt snarked, staring into Rachel's suddenly tear-filled eyes.

"Yes," Rachel whispered after a moment, swiping furiously at the tears now spilling onto her cheeks. "We are. You have to grow up and let him go."

Kurt let out another deep sigh, it seemed like there wasn't a day that went by that didn't end with one or both of them in tears. "Come here," he said, holding out his arms, which Rachel gladly shuffled into.

"We're a mess," he mumbled through a mouthful of hair and Rachel let out a watery chuckle.

* * *

Kurt put off his dinner at Daniel's, choosing instead to invite him to an off-Broadway production he'd been wanting to see, only to be surprised when his date picked him up with tickets to Newsies. The performance had been phenomenal, but his wasted $40 tickets seemed to burn violently in his pockets. By the time they got to dinner he was struggling to conceal his foul mood. He tried his best to nod and laugh appropriately as he let Daniel led the conversation, but grew weary as the night wore on, until they found themselves eating dessert in near silence. Afterword he turned down Daniel's invitation to drinks at his place with a lie about helping Rachel rehearse lines and hurried off to the train station without even a kiss goodnight.

He returned to his empty apartment feeling frustrated and jittery, and wishing Rachel was home instead of out trying to beat away her recent relapse by spending the night with Brody. No matter what Rachel said about growing up and moving on, he didn't see that all these late night visits with Brody were doing her any good. She would come home tomorrow, cold and distant, and throw herself into her work, until she inevitably broke down and ended up back at Brody's dorm, just to prove she was okay when she was obviously anything but.

He changed quickly, trying to spend as little time as possible in the frigid air of their drafty apartment, but still felt chilled to the bone as he settled under his covers and shut off the lights. Unfortunately, he wasn't as successful at shutting out his thoughts.

If he was honest, he knew the real reason he didn't want to be alone with Daniel and it had nothing to do with wasted tickets or late-night train rides, but everything to do with the hot mess train wreck that was Rachel Berry of late. He could just see himself rushing into something with Daniel and then regretting it and hating himself.

Still he felt this mounting pressure to act. It didn't help that Daniel was significantly older and probably had all sorts of expectations. It didn't help that he sometimes felt like his ideas about sex were hopelessly provincial and not at all suited for life in the big city. It definitely didn't help that every time he thought of sex, he thought of Blaine, which inevitability led to him thinking about the nameless, faceless leech that Blaine had ruined everything for. And once he started thinking about that, there was no stopping.

He had thought that as time went on he would get over it and be able to move on, but it had been months and with each passing day, he felt more and more like he'd be suffering under the weight of that betrayal for the rest of his life. There wasn't anyone he had trusted more than Blaine, except maybe his father. He'd open himself up to Blaine in a way that he never had with another person and Blaine had sent it all crashing down for no good reason. He knew now that he'd been wrong to give Blaine so much of himself, to give the boy _so_ much power over him that in the end he literally felt like dying would be less painful.

So why did it matter if he slept with Daniel? He had learned his lesson and at the end of the day he was never going to have a relationship like that again, not with Blaine, or with Daniel, or with anybody else. What was he waiting to feel? Why was he even waiting for feelings that he was absolutely certain were never going to come and that he didn't want to anyway?

Kurt sat bolt upright in bed and checked his clock. It was 12:10 on a Saturday morning. He could catch a train and be at Daniel's apartment by 1. He was out of bed and getting dressed in an instant, not stopping to think, or even breathe as he hastily shoved on his boots. He was out the door in minutes, striding purposely up the street towards the train station, not even taking the time to feel the slight trepidation he usually did when he was out in his neighborhood this late.

Kurt raced up the station stairs and quickly paid his fare as he heard rumbling from an approaching train sounding from above. He got to the platform and realized the train he'd heard was going in opposite direction and sighed heavily as he stood alone at his track. He didn't want to have to stand in the empty train station with only his frantic thoughts for company. This whole operation would work much better if he remained in constant motion towards his goal.

As the opposing train took off noisily from its platform, Kurt recognized a familiar turquoise jacket and called out, "Rachel?"

Rachel turned at the sound of her name and frowned until she spotted him across from her. "What are you doing here?" she yelled across the tracks.

"I'm-going to Daniel's" he said, his voice petering out as he spoke.

"What?" Rachel shouted, unable to hear his quiet answer across the set of train tracks.

"I'll meet you downstairs!" Kurt yelled back, quickly losing the certainty that had driven him out his bed.

He took the stairs slowly, contemplating what he wanted to tell Rachel and wondering why she was coming home so early. She had walked over and was waiting for him by the time he reached the bottom. She looked awful, her face was splotchy and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. There was something inherently broken about the way she held herself now that reminded Kurt too much of his own appearance to be entirely comfortable to look at.

"Where are you going?" she asked, looking him over curiously.

He looked down at himself and realized with a start that he was still wearing his pajamas. He'd only thrown on his coat, scarf, and boots before he left their apartment. He felt suddenly embrassed by the frenzy that had taken him over and wondered if he was going insane. He could hardly even remember the last 10 minutes. He shrugged his shoulders and took Rachel's hand.

"Let's go home," he said, his throat tightening painfully and vision blurring as he tried to blink back his tears.

Rachel nodded and held him tightly, holding back tears of her own, as they made their way out of the station and back to their apartment. She said nothing during their brief walk and set herself to making tea the minute they got in the door. Kurt slid aside his curtains and slowly took off his outwear before sliding back under his covers and grabbing his laptop. They would drink tea, watch some Netflix, and neither of them would ever mention this night ever again.

The first thing he noticed once his computer had booted up was that Blaine Anderson was signed into Skype. Unfortunately, this meant he also noticed that the name disappeared almost immediately after he had signed in. The rage that seemed to simmer right under his skin these days and had been especially malignant this evening, reared its head so that he found himself once again jumping from his warm bed, this time grabbing for his cellphone.

The call predictably went straight to voicemail and Kurt sat, ready to explode as he listened to Blaine's prissy message. He was so furious it frightened him as he sat clutching his phone and shaking. He hated that even now, even after everything that had happened, he was more hurt than angry. Hated that Blaine still had this level of control over his emotions. Hated himself for hoping Blaine would pick up the phone.

"Look," Kurt started venomously as soon as he'd heard the required beep, "I don't know what your issue is Anderson, but I _don't_ take well to being ignored. I can't see what problem _you _could possible have with _me_ seeing as I'm not the philandering asshole of this duo, but if you're not interested in being friends then all you have to do is say so. It's not like I'm _dying _to have you be a part of my life or anything. I was doing just fine without you and I'm doing even better now that I have Daniel, so you can just go screw yourself. Or you can just have the idiot from Facebook do it for all I care. You're pathetic and I'm done with you."

Kurt found that he was sobbing as he furiously ended the phone call and took several deep, ineffective breaths to try to calm himself. He felt Rachel come up behind him and clutched the tiny arm she tried to wrap around him for dear life. No matter how many times he told himself he was done crying over Blaine Anderson, it never turned out to be true.


End file.
